Managing Up to Increase Your Success
Photo by Pedro da Silva on Unsplash
Managing up is one of the most important workplace skills you can have. Managing up refers to managing your relationship with your manager. While your manager has formal authority, you can have a big impact on the relationship through how you communicate with them and the processes you establish with them, e.g. how you set expectations, establish/modify goals and priorities, and manage conflicts.
Understanding Your Manager
When I became a manager, one of the most surprising things was how little insight I actually had into my team’s day-to-day work. Like most managers today, in addition to managing I also had more than enough work to get done myself. I had my team write weekly updates, held weekly 1:1s where my reports were free to discuss whatever they wanted, participated in our team slacks, and met regularly with my team. But I couldn’t be an expert in every area, so I often didn’t know how long a specific task would take someone. And it just wasn’t feasible to memorize every single thing each person was working on.
On top of this, the pressures of startup life meant I often had to focus on whatever was most urgent at the moment, whether that was a “fire” that someone on my team brought to my attention, or something my own manager urgently needed from me. I set priorities and made time to work on things that were important but not urgent, and I used the tools here to keep my managers informed about my workload. But even when you do these things, there will still be many tasks, emails, slacks, etc. communicating for your attention at any given moment. I’m also human, so there were times when I was also distracted by work challenges and by things that had nothing to do with work.
I share this to illustrate how hard it can be for a manager to know what you’re actually working on when they ask you to take on a new project. I needed my team to proactively communicate with me about their needs and their workloads far more than I’d expected before becoming a manager.
Work Styles
Most people overestimate how similar others are to them. So you can often improve your relationship with your manager by questioning your assumptions. For example, maybe your manager is someone who really likes to get to the point and you’re someone who values conversation more. If so, that manager may come across as brusque. Or, if things were reversed, you might conclude that your manager liked to waste your time. Empathy is key here — remembering that you are different and assuming (until proven otherwise) that your manager is acting in good faith.
We also have different styles around things like how involved we want the person to be in our work, how much we like working independently or cooperatively, how we like to get information, and even when in the day we do our best work. In becoming aware of these differences, your goal should be to use that knowledge to make your relationship better. A good place to start is a conversation with your manager about work styles. Sometimes just remembering that you have these differences is enough. Other times you may need to negotiate to find a solution that works for both of you.
Setting Expectations
Your relationship with your manager is just that, a relationship. And as with most relationships, you’re each bringing your own set of expectations to the table. One of the best things you can do here is to make those expectations explicit so that you can make sure you’re aligned and address any areas where you aren’t.
The best place to start this process might be even before you start — in the interview process, when you can ask about the manager’s expectations for the role and share your own. Another good question is “what does success look like in this role?” If you have any non-negotiables, you can also craft questions to test them out. For example, you could ask your potential manager how they structure 1:1s, or if they can remember a time when they had conflict with someone on their team and how they resolved it.
Another great time to set expectations is when you’re starting a new role, when you have a new manager starting or, if you’re a manager, when a new team member starts. An early 1:1 is a great time to ask the questions mentioned above. You can also take this a step further and ask your manager what’s expected of them and what success looks like for them.
One type of expectation that lends itself especially well to early 1:1 discussions is work style, e.g. if your manager prefers email, in person (or on zoom), or slack for questions, when in the day each of you is most productive, if there are times you don’t want to be interrupted, etc. Some managers take this a step further and craft “user manuals to me.” I think these can be a great tool as long as there’s reciprocity, so both the manager and their reports craft manuals.
Fortunately, though, you don’t have to ask about role or work style expectations before you start /just after starting. Some other logical times are the beginning of a quarter or year, or the beginning of a new performance cycle. For example, you can ask: “what are your expectations of me for the next [time period]?” If you’ve just noticed you aren’t clear on overall expectations, you can bring them up at any time by saying you want to make sure you’re succeeding in your role and framing as a conversation for you to best help the team succeed. And if you want to get clearer on working styles, you can suggest an activity like ““user manuals” as a team-building activity to help everyone on the team get more insight into each other.
Priorities
Before setting your own priorities, make sure you understand your manager’s priorities. Not only is this a great way to show empathy (and make your manager like you more), it also makes it easier to set your own priorities. By understanding what’s important to your manager and her team, you gain more insight into which of your priorities are likely to best align with your manager’s.
After you understand your manager’s priorities, make sure she understands yours. One of the most common mistakes is assuming your manager knows your workload and your priorities. While ideally that would be true, as I mentioned above, it often isn’t. If you’re not sure what your priorities should be, communicate. Identify what you think your top priorities are, and ask your manager if that lines up with their understanding of priorities. Do the same for the amount of time different projects will take.
When asked to take on a new project, identify what existing projects it will impact. It’s easy to assume your manager just wants you to work more, but they probably either don’t know that you’re already at capacity, or they’re assuming you’ll push back something else to get this done.
It’s ok to make the tradeoffs between a new project and your existing work explicit. For example, when asked if you have time for a new project or even told you have to do a new project, if you can identify what this will impact, you can say “I can do this, but it means that I’ll get Y project done later. Is that ok?” Or, you can say “I’m happy to take this on but I’m already at capacity. What project can I de-prioritize to make room for this?”
Managing Conflict
The most common conflict I see in the workplace is micromanagement. So I’m focusing on micromanagement here, but the same process should work for any conflict you have with your manager.
If you’re thinking that your manager is a micromanager, they’re probably doing something that (understandably) annoys you. Maybe it’s checking in more frequently than you’d like, or insisting on reviewing your emails before you send them. Pinpoint these 3 things so that you can focus on changing your managers behavior:
The specific behavior that’s difficult for you
Why the behavior is triggering for you (e.g. maybe when the manager acts that way, you don’t feel trusted or respected)
Why the manager is acting that way (e.g. they might be anxious, or they might really think they are being helpful).
While you can do 1 and 2 on your own, you’ll need to have a conversation with your manager about 3. Use the tools in the feedback formula to keep the conversation on track. When dealing with micromanagement, I like to use some variation on “when you do X, I feel Y (or I think Z). Is that what you intend?”
Once you understand what’s driving the manager’s behavior, you can work together on meeting the person’s needs in a way that’s less difficult for you. For example, if you learn that your manager is anxious because they’re worried they’ll miss something, you can propose proactive communication (e.g. weekly updates) so that they know they’ll have a way to see what you’re doing.
Each of the techniques used above should help with your micromanager (or any difficult manager). And even if you have a good manager, these techniques can make your relationship even better.
If you do end up using any of these techniques, please let me know how it goes. You can comment or email me at tltcoaches@gmail.com.