Getting Curious

The first step to behavior change is getting more curious about yourself. If you’ve come to coaching, you’re probably facing a challenge. Maybe you’re tired of putting everything off to the last minute, or sick of overwhelm. Maybe you want to find a more rewarding job or career. Whatever it is, you know something has to change. 

I’m also guessing this isn’t your first attempt at changing. You might’ve looked at self-help books, or lists of tips and tricks online. Maybe you asked family and friends. And maybe you tried something and it worked…a little bit. But the larger problem is still there. That’s because everyone’s brain is different, and none of the books/lists/articles are personalized. You need an approach for you. That’s where curiosity comes in.

To design the right approach for you, we need to understand you. Really, really well. Think of a problem you’re facing right now. Maybe it’s a task you’ve been putting off. Broadly, do you know why you’re procrastinating? Is it because of how you feel about the task? Is it because you don’t know where to start or how to do it? Is it because you know you’ll need to bring in other people? Is it something else?

What triggers your procrastination? Is it thinking about the task? Is it the time of day when you know you “should” be working on it? Is it someone checking in about the task? Is it a giant ball of dread that never goes away?

What do you feel when you’re avoiding the task, or thinking about it? There’s probably some anxiety there. What’s the quality of the anxiety? Is it the same or different from other ways your anxiety shows up? Can you be more specific, e.g. maybe you are feeling apprehension, terror, or nervousness. Are there other emotions there? As you reflect, take a moment to pause and notice where in your body you feel these emotions. 

How about your thoughts? What do you tell yourself when you feel this way? If you’re anxious, what are you worried about? Is it getting started before you are “ready”? Are you worried you won’t do a good job on the task? Are you sad because you’re thinking about times you’ve failed in the past or about how this feels hopeless. 

When you’ve done this for a few days, you can also look for patterns. You might notice a few categories of thoughts and feelings, for example. Can you give these categories a persona, e.g. is there an inner critic that speaks them?

As you consider these questions, what else is there? Is there another part of you that really wants to work on the task and knows you’ll feel better when it’s done? When do you feel that part most strongly? How can you better recruit it to help? What does it need for the critic part to leave it alone?

These are just a few of the questions we can ask as you work to better understand yourself through coaching. If you’d like to learn more, you can book a free consultation here.