Waiting on a Feeling: Dealing With ADHD Decision Paralysis

Photo by Bill Jelen on Unsplash

If your ADHD is anything like mine, you’ve probably experienced the kind of decision paralysis where you can identify options but you just. Can’t. Pick. One. You may even be experiencing it right now. Maybe you need to pick a topic for a paper, or maybe you’re deciding on a movie. The list of options grows, but nothing stands out. 

There are many possible reasons for this decision paralysis, and probably many contributing factors. As divergent thinkers, we may enjoy generating possibilities more than converging on one. There may be anxiety involved, or maybe we’re waiting for the dopamine rush of a deadline. And then there’s intuition. For me, this overlooked factor is often the most important cause of decision paralysis.

In Your Brain’s Not Broken, Tamara Rosier writes about how for those of us with ADHD, we use emotion as a guide in selecting tasks to work on. If you have  a strong intuition, as many people with ADHD do, you probably also use the sense of something “feeling right” to guide your decisions. 

Except, you won’t always have that flash of intuition. Enter decision paralysis. When we’re used to making decisions based on feel, it makes sense that we want to wait until something feels right. But then we forget that not every decision will trigger that internal sense of “right.” Or it may not be worth the time it takes to find the “right” choice. If we aren’t careful, though, we can stay stuck, waiting for a feeling that doesn’t come. 

If this sounds like you, awareness itself may help. If I know I’m doing this, it’s easier for me to remind myself that sometimes I’ll need to make a decision without using intuition as my guide. 

Here are a few other things you can try:

Identify decision criteria. Before you start looking for options, identify what criteria you’ll use to decide. If you have to put it into words, how will you know when you have the “right” option? E.g. ¨maybe you want to watch the first comedy that you haven’t seen with a rating above 80% on Rotten Tomatoes. 

Time constraints. Before you start, ask yourself how much time you want to spend on the decision. Knowing you only have 20 minutes, for example, can create the constraint you need to make a choice. 

Perspective Taking. Ask yourself how much the decision matters. If it’s not very important, remind yourself of that. 

Lower the stakes. If possible, make the decision reversible so that it’s less risky. Often when we make decisions we think we’ll have to live with them forever even though there’s nothing stopping us from changing our mind. Or if you do have to live with the decision, see if there’s any way you can test it before committing. 

If you’re interested in coaching to help with your decision paralysis, you can sign up for a free consultation.